Ladies and gentlemen of the United States of America: Here is your top-shelf list of candidates to lead your country. This represents the BEST OF THE BEST. These are the absolute BEST of what we, as a nation, can offer. There are NO better choices to be had. If there were, they'd be running (and on the list). Enjoy!
| Candidate | Party | Values |
| Obama | D | Lead by Committee |
| Perry | R | Lead by Corporate Dictation |
| Romney | R | Lead by Hair Gel |
| Bachman | R | Lead by Xanax |
| Palin | R | Lead by reality show TV ratings |
| Santorum | R | Lead by head in toilet |
| Huntsman | R | Lead by following (way in the back) |
| Alexander | R | Who? |
| Paul | R | Lead by avoiding the GOP and Fox |
| Person | L | Seriously? |
| Miller | R | Wha? |
| McMillan | R | Oh come on... Muttonchops??! |
| Martin | R | Ok, this isn't funny |
| McCotter | R | I'm not laughing, stop it... |
| Karger | R | (blank stare) |
| Johnson | R | (deep sigh, blank stare) |
| Gingrich | R | (wide-eyed blank stare w/furrough brow) |
| Cain | R | (cough) |
| Gary | L | (deep sigh) |
| Terry | R | (nothing, absolutely nothing at all) |
| Wrights | L | As if? |
| Wuensche | R | Are you fucking crazy?! |
There it is: your candidates to lead your country into the next four year term. My prediction is that this is all a sick joke perpetrated by the Taliban. Ok, I get it. I get it now. Real funny. So funny I forgot to laugh. Each election year I think it can't possibly get worse, and every time I'm proven wrong.
Seriously: We are fucking doomed.
0 comments:
Post a Comment